Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
