We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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