At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I need moral support for this bender
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
