The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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