I can tuck mytits in my pants
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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