she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
