can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize