So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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