It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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