so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I just want to make out with him forever
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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