I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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