a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Randomize
