Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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