I just found puke in my bra..
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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