the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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