When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize