He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
