You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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