you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
