last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
