Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
