FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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