Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
