i wish semen tasted like chocolate
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
