Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
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