We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
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