I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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