she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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