i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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