This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
3 2 1 whiskey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
is it fun? or sober?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize