just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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