Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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