Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
The Olympian is in my bed
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
