Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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