It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
