I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
