so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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