Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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