YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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