As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Randomize
