We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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