yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
