I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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