what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
