either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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