my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
