I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
