so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
