i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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