So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
