I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
