maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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