I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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