My nipple is on Facebook.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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