Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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