I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
