I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
