She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
