So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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