Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
