I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Randomize
