Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Randomize
